remain seated please
permanece sentados, por favorWednesday, September 22, 2004
I just witnessed the fiercest dump ever known to mankind. And no, it did not come out of my body.
I was just in the bathroom taking a piss and I heard someone come in. They rushed into a stall and completed the pull rip place maneuver faster than I'd imagined possible. What is the pull rip place maneuver you ask? It's when you pull out a toilet seat cover, rip the middle part from the outside cover, and place it on the toilet seat. Once you've lived in the dorms or you've worked for a while, you can perfect this move. Anyways, I heard him dropping bombs literally half a second after I heard him rustling to pull the toilet seat cover out. It was amazing. But that wasn't the only amazing part. He proceeded to fiercely, and I do mean fiercely, fire his poo down the toilet. I swear if he was crapping sideways, it sounded like there was enough force to carry his crap at least a good twenty feet. It was that vicious. He then proceeded with the long fart action before next release, and repeated this over and over. By this time I was washing my hands and heading out the door, when I began to hear the after-poo farts that sound like pffffffffffffft. They began to stink up the place so I got out of there. The whole time I wanted to crack up so bad but I had to stay professional and write about it in my blog. hahahaha.
Man, how sad is it that a story like this makes my day?
Sunday, September 12, 2004
I just bought a Jamba Juice for the first time in a while and when the girl asked me for a boost I panicked and said yes. What a big mistake. I was smart though in making sure I didn't get a protein boost, because the one time I got that it made my juice taste like sand. So, being the genius that I am, I asked for some vitamin boost. Too bad this stuff is even worse. My juice literally tastes like phlegm. And how do I know that it's not my own phlegm? This stuff has an orange aftertaste. Blech.
Monday, September 06, 2004
Air Conditioning
After a couple of months of being spoiled by the wonders of air conditioning, I have finally turned into an official pansy.
I have A/C at work, in the car, and at home. I can't handle hot weather anymore. Whenever I go anywhere where the temperature is above the 73 degrees that I'm used to, I start to sweat. My back starts to get hot, and I can feel drops of sweat running down the side of my head.
That's why this weekend was pure torture for me. It was freggin ridiculously hot everywhere we went. I think I lost like 10 pounds of water weight this weekend. It's ok though, I had a lot of fun.
Dang, I remember the days when we used to play tennis in 100-degree weather for hours at a time. Those were the days shek!
